The final step that we'll talk about in healing from unmet expectations involves taking responsibility for your actions. Both your own expectations and your inability to fulfill the expectations of others can cause a lot of pain.

Now, many times your inability to meet someone else’s need has nothing to do with you, unless of course you committed to it. You’re simply the wrong source. But there are times when you haven’t been there for your spouse, when you haven’t been a good parent to your kids, when you screwed up at your job and let your boss or your team down. You need to take responsibility for your actions, and that takes a lot of humility.

Pride and entitlement can easily take over from unmet expectations—believing that you are somehow deserving of certain things, that the rules don’t apply to you, or that you should be treated differently than everybody else. But then the hurt continues. And not just for you, but for those around you. You must take responsibility. Apologize. Admit your mistakes. Do something special to make up for them. Show your sincerity.

 

This stuff is not easy, but it is good. Unmet expectations can be painful, but they are not bad in and of themselves. They’re simply a reminder to us that we’re “lookin’ for love in all the wrong places” (thanks, Johnny Lee). But we still need to be careful of a few things when we deal with unmet expectations.

Continue to The Danger of Blaming Yourself ->