Forgiving Yourself
It’s true that our past has helped to shape who we are today, but we are in great danger to allow our past to define our present, and to allow our past mistakes to dictate the choices we make today. When we look at ourselves through the lens of our shortcomings, when we believe that we cannot change or that we’re beyond the hope of redemption, or when we use our past as an excuse for our present behavior, we cannot fully enter into the call of God on our lives or live in the abundant life He promised.
Forgiving ourselves may very well be the hardest area of forgiveness to accomplish. We simply don’t want to let ourselves off the hook for our mistakes. We don’t want to seem irresponsible by forgiving ourselves of our failures. And thus in lies a great error, that we are driven by the example of our failures instead of by the example of Christ.
Remember that forgiveness does not deny responsibility, and yes, discipline is often required to overcome our failures. But there is a freedom to be found when we allow God to be the judge of our lives, and when we let go of the judgments of ourselves and others that hold us in bondage. Jesus already paid the price for our sin, and as Paul says in
Romans 6:1, that’s no excuse to keep on sinning, but it does mean that we no longer have to live condemned by our sin (
Romans 8:1).
There is a freedom that comes from being “let off the hook.” Being off the hook means that we don’t have to earn love anymore. We don’t have to perform anymore. We are no longer bound by the thought that we are not good enough or that we are a failure, a mistake, a burden, a screw-up.
But what happens when forgiving myself becomes an offense to others? What if I forgive myself, turn my life around, and people still see me as the drunk who beat his wife, or as the woman who loses her temper at the drop of a hat? Or what if they see me not feeling guilty anymore for what I’ve done? Will they think that I approve of my actions? Will they think that I’m not sorry?
When people see you walking in a freedom that they don’t think you deserve, it can make it very difficult to not fall back into condemnation. But as they see your freedom, it will provoke them to jealousy. They may not see it at first, but when they realize that you are no longer bound by your past, and that you are truly changed, it will help them realize their own bondage to unforgiveness. Remember that you are not ultimately responsible to anyone else except for God. His opinion comes first, and it is His opinion that will set you free (
John 8:32).
Imagine for just a moment what it would feel like to not be bound to the guilt of your past mistakes, to not feel condemned for your shortcomings and failures, to have the slate of your life completely wiped clean. No more guilt. No more shame. No more striving to make up for what you’ve done or not done. A fresh start. Freedom.
It’s time to forgive yourself. Begin to think about your life, and ask God to reveal places of unforgiveness and bondage. Everything that comes to mind—all the unmet expectations of yourself, the times when you pushed yourself too hard or expected too much from yourself, your sins, your weaknesses, your failures, your addictions, the times you hurt others around you—let them go. First ask God to forgive you for these things, and then ask yourself to forgive you. We know that sounds funny, but really ask yourself—out loud, if you can—and then respond in forgiveness for each thing you’ve been holding back.
“[Your Name Here], I forgive you for having such a low image of yourself.” You may not notice it right away, but you’ll begin to walk in new freedom when you let these things go.
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