Forgiving Others
When you think about forgiveness, this is probably one of the first areas that comes to mind (aside from God’s forgiveness of you, perhaps). You immediately start to think about all the wrongs that have been done to you by others. And you probably think of the worst offenses first. How can I forgive my ex after what they did to me? How can I forgive my father for walking out on my family? I don’t think I can let go of that situation with my coworker (I haven’t won yet).
But then we think, “But that’s what Jesus would do,” and we start to begrudgingly try to forgive, all the while thinking that these people don’t deserve our forgiveness. And that could be true, too. I just had a conversation with one of our new interns about this last night, telling him that none of us deserve forgiveness. We all deserve hell. Forgiveness is a gift that has nothing to do with whether we deserve it or not. Forgiveness is about the forgiver.
It’s important to realize that forgiveness doesn’t justify wrong actions. Discipline and correction are still necessary in a lot of cases to facilitate growth and to establish God’s Kingdom on earth (see
Proverbs 13:24), and forgiveness in love does not let a wrong go unchecked. What forgiveness does do is allow us to let go of the offense in our own hearts. Then, and probably only then, are we truly able to discipline and correct others in love and humility.
And when it’s not our place, our opportunity, or the right time to offer that discipline (the root of that word, by the way, is disciple), we must remember that God is ultimately responsible to change people’s hearts. Our bitterness will only change ourselves.
It’s also important to note that sometimes our unforgiveness is simply a matter of unmet expectations or unfulfilled desires—errors that come when we look to others to fulfill that which only God can give us. In those cases, we must simply let go of our anger, release those expectations (or turn them to God), and forgive those who didn’t measure up to our standards.
Through forgiveness, we must choose to love and to live unbound by someone else’s decisions. And forgiveness is exactly that—it’s a choice. It’s a choice to exchange bitterness, anger, and offense for love, inner peace, and a life free from the control of our circumstances.
But what happens when you’ve tried to forgive, and you just can’t seem to let it go? Well, first off, try forgiving God and forgiving yourself. Sometimes, there's a deeper issue of unforgiveness standing in the way. If you still can’t forgive, ask for God’s help—ask for His forgiveness to flow through you. God will show you how to forgive, and will give you the love you need to have more grace for others.
And remember that you, too, have been forgiven. In
Matthew 18:21-33, Jesus tells the story of two servants. The first one owes the master a massive amount of money, and when he pleads his case, the master has compassion and forgives his debt. Immediately, the forgiven servant goes to the other and throws him into prison for the inability to pay a comparatively insignificant amount, and the master responds by telling the first,
“You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?”
We mustn’t forget that we all have sinned and
“fallen short of the glory of God” (
Romans 3:23). We have been forgiven much, and far greater (in most cases) than we are ever asked to forgive. If nothing else, remembering this humbles me to the point where I can forgive those around me.
When the master in this story heard what the first servant had done, he had the servant thrown into prison, and the story concludes by saying,
“So My Heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” (
Matthew 18:35)
Likewise,
“. . . if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” (
Matthew 5:23-24)
God will honor your forgiveness. He has set the example for us, and tells us to
“go and do likewise” (
Luke 10:37). So right now, look at your life. Who do you need to forgive? Whose offense have you been carrying around? Who do you avoid because of a past experience? Now choose. Choose to forgive. Release the offense. Let it go entirely. Don’t hold anything back. Let it go.
Continue to Forgiving God ->